I was rewatching Sex and the City last night and it wasnt the same anymore. Is it bcoz I am not the same anymore? Dont get me wrong.. I loooove Carrie Bradshaw. At one point, she was painfully relatable — especially when I found myself chasing emotionally unavailable men just like her. It almost made my own heartbreaks feel less lonely, knowing my favourite character was fumbling through the same chaos.
Like, there’s a scene in Season 2 — the era when Carrie Bradshaw loses her sparkle. She’s convinced she’s found “the one” in Big, but suddenly, she’s walking on emotional eggshells.
She farts once (I mean C’mon.. she is a human!) — but no; instead of laughing, she spirals. She totally loses her cool. There were two distinct sets of advice from her girls. On one hand, Samantha thinks she committed a crime and she’d be doomed for being a human in front of her boyfriend and on the other hand, Miranda shakes it off as being perfectly normal and reminds Carrie how amazing her authentic self was and she should be showing more of that to Mr. Big. ‘That’s pretty awesome’, she said.
Cut to the final scene.. she asks Mr. Big for a sign that she’s the one for him.
And what does he say?
Nothing. She breaks up, alright, but yet she’s not in power.
That silence that lingers when the man doesnt fight for her, simply walks away leaving the woman undesirable, unwanted, unworthy? That’s what happens when a woman forgets she’s the muse.
We’ve all been there — mistaking validation for love, confusing quiet for depth, thinking if we’re a little more perfect, he’ll finally choose us.
But here’s the truth: a woman who’s busy seeking a sign is one who’s forgotten her own signal.
The muse doesn’t beg for a clue. She is the message.
Carrie’s mistake wasn’t loving Big — it was abandoning the woman who wrote about love in the first place.
She stopped owning her space and position in her own life and started auditioning for him. She even says that its exhausting, its almost like an act she had to put up, to the point that she even found herself posing sometimes. Aarrggghh. I almost cringed watching that scene.
That’s the very moment every muse must catch herself — the split second between self-doubt and self-worship.
Becoming your own muse is the rewrite.
It’s the point where you decide:
I will not chase, perform, audition or wait for a man to tell me I’m the one.
I am the one. Dont need a man to choose me coz I am not the beggar.
I am the masterpiece. I am my person.
I always was, always will be.
So yes, Carrie may have lost herself in Big — but you, darling, are about to find yourself in you.